I wasn't sure at the time, but now I know they were right. I finally understand.
So, from now on I'll be blogging at principlesoffailure.com.
Same great content, even better site. Check it out.
This site has moved to http://principlesoffailure.com.
"We learn more from failure than from success."


[photo by Zanthia]
[Note: You can also listen to this post as a podcast]
My earliest memory is of visiting my great-grandmother Herdegen. She lived in a trailer on my grandfather’s farm in Cheboygan, Michigan. It sat behind his house where the grass grew waist high until the stalks bent under their own weight, their dark green length bowing in apparent deference to a silver egg-like throne. Her home was a remnant of a travel trailer which she shared with a long-haired white lap dog who had a hard time keeping her hair.
The air inside was stale and pungent, the unventilated accumulation of lost dreams and sorrow. Though it was the middle of the day she was lying in her bed at the rear of her home.
“Come here,” she said. Her voice raspy and quavering.
While only in her eighties a hard life had taken its toll and she was pale, wrinkled, and frail. She spent all of her time in the trailer with the shades drawn. Inside it was cluttered and hadn’t been cleaned in years. My great-grandmother was not a messy person but her dog was, and evidence its rude nature was abundant.
"My mind ran toward it, not pulled by what was in front of me but propelled by what was behind."
She held out a hand to me. Not a soft and welcoming hand, not the smooth feminine hand one would appreciate being touched by, but a gnarled and bony hand, its knuckles swollen, its fingers curled in a prolonged muscle spasm. As I appraised the shaky appendage thrust toward me in the dim light, I saw she had feces smeared between her fingers. Whether hers or the dog's I didn't know but I recoiled at the thought of her grasping me in a warm embrace of human or canine excrement.
She was our oldest living relative at the time, the familial doyenne, and though her physical presence had long ago deteriorated the force of her influence was ever present. I looked at her hand and the crap between her bony fingers, I smelled the foulness of it rising over the accumulated stench of her filthy trailer and my mind froze. I could neither advance nor retreat. My legs, stiff as charcoal sticks, were immovable as I clung to my father’s pants. Looking away I hoped she would disappear, that I would wake up and realize I had simply wet my bed again.
“Come here,” I heard again in the back of my mind.
I stared at the carpet and didn’t move. I stared at the crumpled balls of tissue held rigid and tightly packed together with dried snot. I stared at the accumulation of generations of bread crumbs and the frayed edges of her old wool sweater draped over the arm of a chair she never used. And I stared at the white dog hairs that clung to everything like a light dusting of slender, straw-like snow. My mind ran toward it, not pulled by what was in front of me but propelled by what was behind.
My dad said something apologetic and leaned down to kiss her.
Child prodigy
I was never what I wanted to be. Never the object of my own adoration. Art was a refuge from my life and I poured my frustrations out on thick paper. When I was ten my mother convinced an art instructor at Kent State University to allow me to attend his class.
“I know every mother thinks their child is brilliant,” she told him. “But look at some of his work. You’ll see he has…” a gift, she wanted to say but dared not be so presumptuous. “You’ll see he has potential.”
At first I was thrilled to be among adults as an equal, our brooding teacher circling the minefield of easels, his floppy beret cocked just so. His path weaved in and between his students who were intent on a bowl of oranges and a draped sheet, gently cascading to the floor. He stopped to consider my rendition and admired my shading technique.
“Your fabric, it's so light, like a dust,” he gushed. “Very nice.” My cheeks flushed as I imagined my classmates’ jealous stares.
I reveled in my celebrity status as a child prodigy but the college scene proved too much for me. My fellow artists tried too hard to pull off an affected look of arrogance in shabby, second hand clothes, intentionally stained with the feckless evidence of our passion. One classmate’s threadbare jeans were marked just above the right knee with excess paint from the brushes she cleaned there; her slender arm, as she sketched and gazed, absentmindedly placed her pencil against her thigh as though to wipe it clean as well.
"No one is going to encourage you to develop your artistic abilities after the third grade."
The rebellion, the angst, the false gravitas and rhetorical posturing of my fellow students wore on me. And then there was the constant pressure to produce.
“Stop pestering me for my sketches,” I barked at my poor mother one evening. “How am I supposed to find time to sketch when I have to learn how to reduce an improper fraction?”
When my schoolwork began to suffer, art had to take a backseat to academics for a while. I dropped out of my college art class midway through the first semester.
It’s interesting to reflect on the fact so many companies are searching for creative talent these days, when so much emphasis is put on math in schools at the expense of creative pursuits. It's all well and good to occupy yourself with crayons and washable markers while you’re young, but no one is going to encourage you to develop your artistic abilities after the third grade.
Yet regardless of how distasteful it is, or how bad you are at it, every American will be forced to study math until they graduate from high school. This may have been what America needed in the 1950s--mathematicians and engineers--not now. Now computers are taking over math-intensive fields and we’re realizing the mistake of smothering generations of creative development.
Disillusionment
There’s always been a mystique surrounding the creative process. It seems the real masterpieces are produced by tortured individuals holed up in austere solitude, wracked by their own personal torment. They must be either pitied or revered, these creative geniuses. We read their thoughts, their manifest expressions of turmoil, with slack-jawed amazement and shed admiring tears at the product of their disturbed minds. We revel in our fortune at experiencing such artistic perfection and curse a fate which left us with such club-like hands and feeble minds.
My left brain constantly berates my right for its banality. Is it possible you could have an original thought you pathetic imposter? My portraits look like cartoon characters and my landscapes akin to a pitched roof house with four-paned windows framing a door, the sun shining brightly from the upper right corner in straight rays. I wish I’d never had a creative thought than these urges without hope of release.
"This may be one reason so many brilliant artists are frequently despondent."
Where is the originality, the spark? Who can see the world like Amedeo Modigliani or Paul Manship? If only I could paint like that or sculpt. Perhaps if my life were more miserable it would happen. But in the end I take the hint and pack up my childish tools—the charcoal sticks and gum erasers, the sketchbooks and canvases. I put them in boxes marked “Siddhartha’s art stuff” and move them from house to house unopened.
A 2008 study by Modupe Akinola and Wendy Berry Mendes examined the relationship between depression and artistic expression. Their paper The Dark Side of Creativity reveals a link between negative emotions and increased creative output. "Historical and empirical data have linked artistic creativity to depression and other affective disorders" they write, but there is also evidence for "strong situational factors influencing creativity."
Essentially, they found social rejection increased artistic creativity and this effect was strongest in those with a biological propensity toward depression. This may be one reason so many brilliant artists are frequently despondent. Luminaries such as Henri Matisse and Francisco de Goya battled depression and, from what I understand, Hemingway and Dostoyevsky would occasionally feel blue as well.
Resurgence
In my mid-teens I again pursued collegiate art education, this time in Washington, D.C. Closer now to my classmates in age but no better able to relate to them. I had few friends. My social retardation however gave me plenty of time to work and my persistent social rejection fueled my creative drive. Yet for all my forward momentum I was rudderless and still uncertain whether I was more inclined to overthrow the government or paint a masterpiece.
On a class trip to the Corcoran Art Gallery I found what had been missing from my art education: conceptual art. The gallery was displaying a collection of works by Jonathan Borofsky and I was thrust into heaven. Staring at his giant, two-dimensional signature piece, Hammering Man, repetitively hammering without constructing anything, I saw my life. Counting, the three foot tall stack of lined notebook paper containing the meticulously handwritten numbers from 1 to 2,346,502, spoke to my soul.
But I was enthralled by another piece in one of the Corcoran's back rooms. It was a closed door from behind which emanated the muted sounds of intermittent hammering. I stood there for several minutes marveling at the subtle message of workmen laboring in anonymity and then smiled thinking how embarrassed I'd be if it turned out not to be a work of art at all but actual workmen constructing another display on the other side of the wall.
But that's also the beauty of conceptual art. It's not about the artist, it’s about the viewer. It’s about an emotional revelation, a reaction to the observation. It's conveying an idea that naturally wells up from within the observer, not imposed by the artist but facilitated by him. The true art is not in the presentation but in the conceptualization of the experience.
"Beauty does not have to be created, it exists for us to find."
When I left home at sixteen I thought, now is my chance to live an artist’s life. I took a bus to Chicago and lived on the street then traveled south and rented a small house in Augusta, Georgia. There wasn’t a stick of furniture in the house. Not a chair or a table. I slept on a piece of cardboard on the bedroom floor. The nights were interminable, relentlessly hot and unbearably humid. I cultivated an artistic scowl and didn’t wash my hair.
I lived on a pittance reading by the light of a bare bulb and eating raw potatoes. In this artistic atmosphere I was determined to really break out. My intention was to produce a series of paintings, bold canvases in the primary colors, but after Blue I became disillusioned and cynical. I let my mind wander and began noticing art all around me. I saw the beauty in the mildew growing around the edges of the bathroom tile. I marveled at the rigidity of cracked linoleum and the ants which ate dead cockroaches off the floor.
Just as there is beauty in nature, conceptual art can occur organically and unintentionally. I began to see beauty in everything. Rusted air conditioners sitting in forlorn windows, the siding beneath them stained by the rusty discharge. Even bags of garbage whose contents provided the unconstructed but perfect composition of humanity’s discarded byproducts caught my eye. These were as random and enjoyable as the natural world, as fulfilling as a sunset or a mountain skyline. Beauty does not have to be created, it exists for us to find.
Finding art all around us
It was a catharsis of sorts, this realization of art’s omnipresence. My need to create, and to punish myself for my lack of ability to create, withdrew. I left art behind and became a missionary and after a couple years joined the Navy eventually finding myself in Pensacola, Florida as a flight instructor.
An acquaintance was moving and asked for my help which I was happy to provide. When I arrived at his house however I was overwhelmed by the scene. The small depression era house he and his wife were renting was barely 800 square feet. They don’t even make houses that small anymore. The owner, probably realizing the property’s only value was in the land, had let it deteriorate over the years and was renting it for just $300/mo.
It wasn’t the dilapidated condition of the house which amazed me however, it was the amount of detritus inside. Piles upon piles of old newspapers and fast food wrappers. A half used tube of chapstick whose contents had melted out onto the floor collected dog hair and dust balls. A lost sock and a Happy Meal toy sat next to a dusty jar of home canned peaches and I wanted to sit down and just take it all in.
"The earth spins on, I thought, wasting both the trivial and the rare."
I thought taking a break from helping them pack to stare at their cluttered house might make them uncomfortable so I came back later that evening and broke in when I knew they'd be gone. I stood alone in their abandoned refuse and studied it carefully. I thought of the one time I had seen my great-grandmother and remembered her immured in her lonely trailer. I pictured a frightened great-grandson refusing a tender embrace. I imagined the pain of such a moment in the twilight of one’s life.
I thought about that moment and then I imagined leaving her trailer and saw myself looking back over my shoulder to see an old woman with her hand outstretched. I presumed she would be in pain but instead I saw her mouth bent in a gentle smile and in her eyes understanding and contentment. I never saw her after that visit but I like to pretend she understood.
In the Pensacola evening I lay down upon the filthy floor of a squalid house and in the long light of evening’s protracted departure I looked at the lopsided ceiling fan coated in dust and the grease from a hundred smoky dinners and my eyes grew bleary at the beauty of it all. The earth spins on, I thought, wasting both the trivial and the rare.
“Time is the school in which we learn,” wrote Delmore Schwartz. “Time is the fire in which we burn.”* And so it is. All things will pass away, both the common and the divine; but we'll never know the beauty we don’t find.
*From “Calmly We Walk Through This April’s Day” Selected Poems (1938-1958): Summer Knowledge.

[photo by wallyg]
[Note: You can also listen to this post as a podcast]
Americans are passionately, stupefyingly, electrifyingly in love with the rags-to-riches story. It speaks of limitless opportunity, the nobility of the downtrodden and of the inextinguishable hope we harbor for a better tomorrow. We crave these ideas, devour them like ice cream or buttered beets. They represent the apogee of American idealism and are the sine qua non of America's implicit promise: all your hard work will be rewarded.
Born in 1883, Chester Dale was the son of a Manhattan department store salesman. A contumacious, red-headed boy, he could not be constrained. His father sent him to Peekskill Military Academy for some structure but Chester spent most of his time and all his allowance at the nearby horse track. At the age of fourteen he decided Peekskill wasn't for him and made his way to New York City where he got a job on Wall Street as a runner.
"He had a passion for art and the wealth to acquire it."
The stock market wasn't all that different from the race track and he soon worked his way into a job as a broker and, by the age of 35, into a large fortune as well. This was the Roaring 20's and fortunes were being made overnight. He was one of the first to recognize how valuable public utilities could be and soon became a tycoon. Timing, as they say, is everything and Chester had it in spades. He made his money before the Great Depression and had the good fortune to hang onto it when the economy faltered and then fell.
His wife Maud had a passion for art and had piqued his interest in the French Masters years earlier. He began collecting famous French works and then his tastes expanded; in addition to Eugene Delacroix and Jacques-Louis David, Chester bought works by Renoir, Van Gogh and Monet. The catalog of his collection reads like that of a well-funded museum. He acquired modern works from Picasso and Matisse. Salvador Dali painted his portrait as did Diego Rivera and Guy Pène du Bois. He had a passion for art and the wealth to acquire it.
While many former men-of-means were liquidating their estates, Chester Dale was filling his Manhattan apartment with bargain-basement masterpieces. Between 1926 and 1936 Chester bought over 500 paintings and 30 sculptures. When space ran out in his Plaza Hotel apartment, he started filling a five storey mansion at 20 East 79th Street in New York City. During the dark night of America's economic collapse the art world had a new benefactor and his name was Chester Dale.
Shrewd love
But Chester was not just an art enthusiast, he was a skilled investor. With the help of his wife, an artist and art critic, he learned how to recognize works of lasting value. The pieces he acquired throughout his life were worth much more at the time of his death than he had paid for them. So while his collection helped both to conserve prominent, historic works of art and to support the work of living artists, it also served to build his personal fortune.
How good an investment is art? It's a difficult question to answer with art tastes and trends considered fickle at best. To attempt to authoritatively track art as an investment seems a fool's errand. But for several years two NYU professors from the Stern School of Business have been trying to answer that very question with some confidence. Michael Moses and Jiangping Mei looked at repeated sales of the same works of art dating back to the late 19th Century. The result is the Mei Moses Fine Art Index.
"George Gershwin used to stare at one of Chester's prized Cezannes seeking inspiration."
The index now tracks the recorded sales of thousands of pieces of art and gives annualized returns for a number of art categories. In their latest report (July 2010), the Mei Moses All Art Index is up 13.4% since the end of 2009 with the Contemporary and Impressionist & Modernist Indices leading the way. The long term annualized returns for art are comparable to equities over the past fifty years with stocks narrowly beating out art 9.4% to 8.9%.
The major disadvantage to investing in art, as Mei and Moses point out in their 2002 paper Art as an Investment (.pdf), is the "heterogeneity of artworks and infrequency of trading." Unlike stocks, which trade continuously and behave as fungible commodities in the marketplace, each work of art is unique and can remain off the market for generations as it’s passed from heir to heir. Artwork tends to be cherished by its owners and treated as a part of the family. Chester Dale, who remained childless, at times referred to his paintings as "my children."
But its longevity and singularity is also the upside of owning art; you get to enjoy it. No one ever said, "Step into my study, I want to show you the 200 shares of Intel I just bought." A quality work of art however, can bring years of enjoyment to generations of family members and friends. It can be appreciated by houseguests and a source of endless conversation. George Gershwin used to stare at one of Chester's prized Cezannes seeking inspiration.
National Gallery of Art
Throughout his life Chester lent pieces to various galleries and museums but when he died in 1962 the bulk of it was given to the National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C. I took my daughters to see the Chester Dale exhibit a few weeks ago and it is absolutely extraordinary. The scope of the collection alone is awe inspiring. I tried to imagine what his houses must have looked like with all those magnificent pieces decorating various rooms, glass curio cases filled with delicate Hummels in between I suppose.
The National Gallery categorizes works and displays similar periods together, the East Building displaying 20th Century artists and the West Building housing Renaissance through early 20th Century works. Because Chester's collection spans these periods it was split between the two buildings, but this year, and through next July, the entire collection is on display on the ground floor of the West Building.
While Chester welcomed many guests into his home-turned-art-museum, the works he preserved and loved could not be enjoyed by the vast majority of humanity. It’s likely he left his collection to the National Gallery because, as one of the most visited art galleries in the world, so many more people would be able to appreciate the art he had collected during his lifetime. These inspirational and masterfully crafted works were too valuable to be seen by only a few.
"Its virtue is that it makes us feel good."
There’s something to be said for the transformative power of fine art. It’s in the definition of the term itself: “art which serves no practical purpose.” Why then do we have it? We have all seen buildings, furniture, automobiles, and even appliances which could be considered works of art. But in each of these cases they also have some function beyond their aesthetic beauty.
Fine art on the other hand, has no purpose aside from being a work of beauty which pleases the senses. Its virtue is that it makes us feel good. And humans have craved it from the earliest days of our existence. Sure, some cave drawings were communicative in nature and were intended to convey information. The fact we find them beautiful today may only be a function of improved communication technology. But even in these earliest societies there are examples of art produced solely for the pleasure of its visual appeal.
How technology changes art
I’m not an art cognoscente but I know some works are considered “important” as well as being pleasant to view. Some of these challenge the social or political status quo, some usher in new artistic techniques and still others allow us to see inside a world we had never before imagined. They are not merely well crafted examples of the medium, but catalysts which transform the world in which we live.
The invention of photography eliminated the need to reproduce scenes manually, but we still use hand-drawn images for their aesthetic qualities. Sometimes the goal is not to capture an object or scene as it actually looks, but to capture the essence of what we see in it. These pieces move us, they provoke and inspire us, and they distill, from our base natures, nobility. As an aficionado I claim art is as valuable a tool in shaping the world as math or science.
Now, if we truly believe there are works of art which are valuable for humanity, that produce some social benefit beyond their utilitarian functionality and that have the ability to change our world, wouldn’t we want them to be as widely distributed as possible? While we can debate the value of our “advanced” society in terms of individual happiness and social harmony, there is no questioning the fact we are infinitely more knowledgeable and prosperous today than our ancient ancestors.
"The world has advanced on our ability to quickly transfer knowledge from one person to another."
The critical mechanism for humanity's exponential advancement has been the ability to transmit information from one person to another. From the development of written language, which allowed information to be transmitted between people who never personally saw each other, to the printing press, which enabled the mass production and distribution of these writings, the world has advanced on our ability to efficiently transfer knowledge.
The linked computer networks of today have lifted our ability to share ideas to unprecedented levels, providing an almost instantaneous transfer of thoughts from one person to everyone else. Perhaps in some future society technology will have advanced to the point our thoughts will be connected to the consciousness of everyone in our network and when one person learned a new language or skill, everyone would know it.
In the waning days of Chester's life a new generation was being born, a generation through which the world would enter a digital age of enlightenment. The art collection Chester Dale amassed contained many important works, but it was constrained by its physical nature to be viewed by a relatively small audience. With the ability to digitalize information the education and cultural experiences once available only to the rich would soon be available to everyone in the world.
We're all rich now
In the early days of the internet age people were still unsure of the value of such a connected system. What would it be used for? What types of applications were needed? Brewster Kahle graduated from MIT in 1982 with a degree in computer science and engineering. In 1989, Brewster developed the Internet’s first publishing system, Wide Area Information Server (WAIS), and unknowingly set in motion his destiny. In 1996 he began a lifelong project of immense scale and unimaginable ambition--to collect the world's accumulated knowledge in one enormous online database.
Brewster Kahle’s massive archival project, the Internet Archive, is a repository of information on the order of the ancient Library of Alexandria which was fabled to hold every published book of the time. In the 2nd Century B.C.E. this is impressive but comprehensible. But Brewster’s Internet Archive holds more than just books. It houses movies, television programs, radio shows and even archived internet sites from the web's earliest days. It’s a feat which boggles the mind and is only made possible by the digitalization of information.
Brewster has amassed over 2.5 million publically available texts which are free to download and view on your laptop or eReader. But because Brewster prefers to read physical books he has also devised an ingenious way of getting books into the hands of those without internet access or a local library. His bookmobile, a simple cargo van, travels around dispensing books like a traveling library but without a return date. The van has internet access, a printer and book binding equipment onboard. At a cost of about $0.01/page the bookmobile can print and bind a copy of any book in their archives. That means the accumulated knowledge of humankind is available for about $3 per book.
"During Chester’s lifetime you had to be a multi-millionaire to afford the majestic collection of art he had access to."
Now imagine a similar repository for great works of art and that a traveling van could print and frame an actual-size reproduction of an influential work of art you could hang on the wall in your house. A high quality giclee could provide a cost effective, high quality image produced on canvas or watercolor paper to replicate as closely as possible the original work. Imagine impoverished families living around some of the greatest works of art ever produced. Imagine members of these families inspired to pursue their artistic dreams, develop their own creative talents and to see their value to humanity as more than manual labor.
While their lives barely overlapped, and their paths never crossed, in many ways the dreams of both Chester Dale and Brewster Kahle were the same, to give the public access to the accumulated wisdom of humanity. One through collecting great works, the other through distributing them on a massive scale. During Chester’s lifetime you had to be a multi-millionaire to afford the majestic collection of art he had access to, but today we can all be as richly immersed in fine art through the digitalization, transmission and reproduction technologies Brewster helped develop.