Communication Means Taking Risks

[photo by luigig]

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Warfare is never pleasant but I imagine it was particularly brutal as Vespasian fought to suppress the Jewish uprising on the Roman's eastern frontier. Failing to make progress against Jerusalem, he had turned his attention on Galilee and summoned his son to assist in the war.

In the mid-first century the Roman Empire encompassed most of Europe, North Africa and the Levant. But in 66 C.E. the inhabitants of Judaea rebelled against their Roman rulers and Vespasian was sent to quell the uprising.

As Titus was preparing to come to his father’s aid with fresh troops from Egypt, he inspired them to fight courageously by, according to the historian Josephus, telling them that those who died fighting valiantly would be rewarded in the afterlife.

It was important to motivate the soldiers for what was sure to be a bloody battle. Should he have appealed to their sense of national pride? Should he have offered them money? A petition that failed to inspire his troops could lead to disillusionment and apathetic warriors.

"Roman orators practiced these gestures to add emphasis to their speeches."

While the text of his speech is lost to history, it was likely a rousing exhortation. The Romans were known for their ability to communicate well and had developed oration as an art form. Even going so far as to incorporate specific hand gestures to help convey feelings.

Today Italians are still known as passionate speakers who often communicate using their hands. Viewing a speaker’s gesticulations from afar, I have even grasped the meaning of some conversations without hearing a word that was said.

A clenched fist in front of the chest is almost universally recognized as a sign of heightened emotion and showing your palms coveys honesty. A raised hand, palm forward, is a symbol of allegiance. Roman orators practiced these gestures to add emphasis to their speeches.

Whatever it was Titus said, it apparently worked. The Romans conquered Galilee and then Jerusalem, finally defeating the Jewish uprising in 71 C.E. They continued to expand their empire to the east. During the reign of Emperor Antoninus Pius the Romans built a 6000 seat amphitheater in Philadelphia (now known as Amman, Jordan).

Going Out On A Limb

Last year I visited the Roman ruins on a trip to Amman with some friends. Their massive scale is still impressive and a testament to the importance Romans placed on public gatherings and effective communication. The acoustics are so good it continues to be used today for performances without electronic amplification.

It was on this trip I met Vaclav, a rugged eastern European who exuded strength and confidence. My friends had met him earlier in the day while we lounged in the Dead Sea. I had been savoring floating effortlessly while at the same time trying not to get water in my eyes, so had missed meeting him at the beach. The first time I saw him was when he joined us later that day at Books@Cafe for dinner.

Books@Cafe is a popular expatriate hangout in Amman; a trendy bookstore/restaurant with a retro-70s decor. If I lived in Jordan that’s where I’d spend most of my time. It’s like being ensconced in velvet and surrounded by books and food, three things I find irresistible.

I was especially enamored with the rooftop seating and its royal ambiance; its vibrant soundtrack gave me a feeling of casual self-confidence. But when Vaclav walked in I was immediately intimidated. He had the confident swagger and firm grip of a Roman senator.

My insecurities and self-doubts came flooding in. Who was this guy and how could I possibly have anything in common with him? He appeared to come from a highly educated and well-traveled family, a far cry from my own background.

"It could have gone either way, a comment like that."

Unfortunately, he arrived later in the evening and the kitchen had already closed by the time he got there. The portions at the restaurant were generous, and I’d only eaten half of my entrée so it crossed my mind he might want it. Had he been a well-known friend I would have offered it to him but I hesitated to make such an offer to a stranger.

His manner was social and relaxed though and we quickly fell into a friendly give and take. He said he wished the kitchen was still open and I said, “Well, you look like the kind of guy who’s eaten his share of leftovers” as I handed him my plate.

It was a risk to be sure, but he responded with a smile. “I have eaten a lot of leftovers,” he said taking my half-eaten meal.

It could have gone either way, a comment like that. It could have been irritating or offensive or even confusing. But his response encouraged our fledgling bond. It conveyed more than friendliness, it said I get you.

Communication Is A Two-Way Process

Leadership requires good communication but that doesn’t mean it’s always safe communication. Communication can be risky and effective. In fact, most really inspiring communication is also risky. Only those who share our interpretation of the world can hear our frequency.

When we go out on a limb and the other person meets us halfway it does more than communicate information, it reveals a connection. We are exposing a bit of ourselves and finding a receptive and appreciative audience.

My friend Matt Townsend is a communications expert. Several years ago he shared an important insight with me regarding communication. Most people think of communication as a one-way transaction with a sender and a receiver.

The classic model says the sender conceives of and encodes a message and the receiver decodes and interprets the message. When communication issues arise we look to blame the sender for improperly encoding the message or the receiver for inaccurately decoding it.

According to Matt, however, communication is not a one-way process in which data flows only from sender to receiver, but a two-way process in which the receiver actually affects the message being sent by their instantaneous, and often subliminal, feedback.

When we’re telling a funny story to a receptive audience we will often become more animated and embellish the story, feeding off the listener’s energy. Likewise, we often truncate our message when it appears the listener is disinterested or irritated.

"Communication is a two-way process in which the receiver affects the message being sent."

We’ve all had the experience of being reprimanded and then forced to answer the question, "Did you really think that was a good idea?" The expression on our inquisitor’s face certainly affects how we respond to that loaded question.

As I spoke with Vaclav that night in Amman my dialog was bolstered by our common sense of humor and a certain tolerance for shared food. We found we had other things in common too, like a zest for running and having spent time in a Hungarian prison.

Well, I haven’t exactly spent time in a Hungarian prison but I have spent three months on a submarine which is a close approximation.

The point is, we all have to take risks when we communicate. We risk saying the wrong thing, being misunderstood and misinterpreted and we risk missing the mark as we try to understand the subtle feedback being sent by the person who's trying to understand us.

As we parted that evening Vaclav thanked me again for my generosity. "The food tasted great too," he said.

"Well, better than Hungarian prison food," I said as I got into a taxi.

In return he gave me a Roman gesture of irreverent disdain. While I doubt it was a gesture ever used by any orators in Titus's day, it effectively communicated his feelings and showed me he's not afraid to go out on a limb.

In this case I met him halfway.